


I Wish I Were the Moon Tonight

by KatTheMerc



Category: Lucifer (Comic), Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt Lucifer, Hurt Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Insecure Lucifer, Lucifer Feels, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Needs A Hug, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Whump, POV Lucifer, Sad Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22662019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatTheMerc/pseuds/KatTheMerc
Summary: Lucifer thinks he is singing a randomly chosen song from the plethora he has learned over the years, but it isn't until the end that he realizes songs really do express emotions, even ones that were hidden from yourself.
Kudos: 44





	I Wish I Were the Moon Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> Lucifer's inner thoughts are the italics.  
> This is my first fan fiction...ever. And I thought of it in the shower. Let me know what's good about it, and what's bad, I'd love the tips!  
> This was inspired by the song "I Wish I Was The Moon" by 'Neko Case'!

A Sunday night at Lux was always quiet, but never empty. People filled the bar and the common area, and while there were not nearly as many people as perhaps a Friday or Saturday night, it was still a decent outcome. Lucifer stood at the bar lost in thought, nursing a crystal glass filled with Bourbon, when a melody of a forgotten song fluttered through his head.  _ Oh, hello. It’s been a while since I heard you... _

Intrigued by the recalled tune that has now fully resurfaced in his memory, Lucifer subconsciously started to drift towards the instrument highlighting the center of the grand room. Setting his glass on the single coaster placed on top of the piano, he settled himself into the seat that only he frequented. He experimentally began to move his fingers across the keys, searching for the right notes of the song. The music behind him started to fade out, and he didn’t know if that was his imagination, or if the DJ had seen Lucifer and decided to quiet the room down so the patrons could listen to the owner serenade them. 

Once Lucifer sorted out the right keys, he began to softly sing.

“Chimney falls and lovers blaze, I thought that I was young.” 

Remembering the words was no issue, but his inner dialogue was almost overbearing.  _ I do tend to think that I have all the time in the world,  _ Lucifer thought to himself. _ I used too, before this whole ‘vulnerable’ shtick. Now I don’t know what sort of time I have here, not as much time as I'd hoped. _

“Now I’ve freezing hands and bloodless veins, as numb as I’ve become.” _These last few weeks have certainly been challenging. I feel numb, drawn out and used._ _Dead, essentially. Numb and bloodless._

“I’m so tired....I wish I was the moon tonight.”  _ Tired was one word for it. Being the Devil, having no one believe you even though you flaunt the truth is exhausting. Being called a poser and a liar, the two things I despise, definitely gets old. _

“Last night I’d dreamt I’d forgotten my name, ‘cuz I sold my soul, but awoke just the same.”  _ That’s rich. Me, selling my soul. I think of myself to not have one. How could I? A damned creature such as myself, there is no room for a soul… _

“I’m so lonely…I wish I were the moon tonight…” Lucifer sang those words with shaky breath.  _ Well I’m definitely not lonely. The opposite actually, look at all the people gathered, listening to me. So why do I feel so alone… _

“God blessed me, I’m a free man. With no place free to go. I’m paralyzed and collared-tight, no pills for what I fear. This is crazy...I wish I were the moon tonight.”  _ It’s ironic, isn’t it. What freedom from dear-old-Dad would be a blessing? All I’ve ever wanted was free will, and even when I felt I had it, nothing I have chosen was mine to choose in the first place. Every turn, every angle, is just another part of His plan. His shitty, manipulative ‘collared-tight’ plan to keep me as a pawn. This  _ is  _ all crazy… _

“How will you know that you found me at last? ‘Cuz I’ll be the one, be the one, be the one with my heart in my lap. I’m so tired, I’m so tired...I wish I was the moon tonight.”

The melody before the outtro gave Lucifer a moment to really ponder on those last couple of lines.  _ I’ve done all that I could to not be what everyone says I am. I serve justice, not even as the Devil, but as a partner to The Detective. Humane justice, in an almost legal way. I punish those who do evil, and I am...not evil. I’m not. For once, I don’t want to be blamed for the mistakes of humanity. For once, I don’t want to be known as the face of evil. I just want to be Lucifer, owner of Lux nightclub, civilian consultant to the L.A.P.D.. My heart is in the right place, right here in my lap, waiting to be recognized for good...just for once. _

“I’m so tired, I’m so tired, I wish I was the moon...tonight.”

There were scattered applause throughout the nightclub, but Lucifer would not have known, for he was too busy thinking. With tears streaming down his face, Lucifer thought about how peaceful it would be to just be the moon tonight.


End file.
